Again, for the very first time

So last night at youth group, I presented the story of Hosea. When I began to research this for the students, I went into it with my average amount of effort. Not that I don't use great effort when preparing, but Hosea wasn't something that I was particularly passionate about. As I began to read and dive into the story, it was as if I were reading it for the first time. I experienced many emotions that I had never had when reading this story. Anger, sorrow, joy, everything.  So at the beginning, God comes to His prophet Hosea and I imagine that conversation was troublesome for him. Maybe his thoughts went something like this, "I have committed my life to you, Lord. Why are you wanting to have me experience this? Why must I experience this emotional pain?" I feel that when we read stories from the Bible like this, we forget that these people were not only smart, but had emotions like us! Hosea was not dumb, he knew what a intimate relationship with a woman like Gomer would be like and would possibly end. So The Lord asked Hosea to go choose a prostitute for a wife. One thing that I never realized until I read our study guide for that night was that if you look at the language of Hosea when his children are being named. If you look closely, only one of the three children that Gomer has are said to have been born to Hosea. Gomer had two illegitimate children while with Hosea. I can't imagine the pain and devastation that Hosea felt when these two pregnancies. Not only did this happen, but he went on to raise these children.

So at this point Hosea must be wondering why God has put him in this position. He has married a prostitute, who has had two children that were not with him. Surely, this must be it? Not quite. After some time, Gomer falls back into the life of prostitution. Not only is she a prostitute, but the Bible says she is in slavery. In short, she is a sex slave. What must have Hosea been thinking when he realized one day that Gomer had left him? Maybe he felt relief. He could finally put this nightmare behind him, raise his children, and continue to reveal messages from God to the people. Once again, God steps in and tells him to go buy her back. He must now face a woman who has cheated on him, probably humiliated him in front of the community because of this, and has left him. Now he must spend his own income to buy her back from slavery. Before fingers are pointed (mine included) saying, "Wait, wait, wait, That isn't fair!" Neither is our salvation. Hosea goes and faces Gomer, buys her back, and brings her home.

At this point, I leaned back in my chair and felt this enormous weight on my chest, probably more on my heart to be exact. I am Gomer. Christ takes me in from the streets, feeds me, clothes me in His Grace and welcomes me. In exchange, I cheat on Him, humiliate him, and run back to my vices. Christ as every right to walk away and never look back, but he pays the price on my soul that the chains of my sin has set, and what a heavy price it is! Not only is the story of Hosea a vision of God's feelings towards Israel, but it is a vision of our relationship with Christ. I had to bow my head at the computer and thank God for his forgiveness mercy for my unfaithfulness. Today, go read this story and view it in the light of you being Gomer and Christ being Hosea. You will never view this story the same way again. Replace Gomer's struggles with your struggles. What do you run to?

I'm the villain, I deserve to be dead.

Sin is something that is constantly apart of my thought process. Thinking about my past sins, thinking about the current sins, sins I am about to commit, sins I committed yesterday. I feeling that as a Christ Follower that sometimes if tend to forget the real weight of my sin until The Lord lets me feel it for just a second. I think at some point in our lives we should be able to feel the true weight of our sins. It is only through this weight that we can feel the true freedom that Christ has to offer us.

Whenever I get caught in this vicious cycle of dwelling upon my sin or what a great debtor I am, there are a few songs that I turn to that I can either relate to or that can take my mind back to the place of dwelling on what a great savior that Christ is. One song I always love to listen to is "Revenge" By Jon Foreman. In this song, my interpretation is that it is a look into the journey of one who experiences the dead weight of sin. It is lines like, "I'm the villain, I deserve to be dead" and "I'm the failure, I'm everyone's fool" that I can say, "That is me!" Give it a listen, it is worth your time. Another song that seems to call to me is the old hymn Rock of Ages. Lyrics like "Nothing in my hand I bring, simply to the cross I cling" and "Wash me Savior or I die!" are lines that almost bring me to tears because of the truth that it rings.

Like I said before though, there are songs that bring me to place where I reconcile within The Lord. While it might seem typical for a Christian, Amazing Grace is one that I always go back to. Another Jon Foreman song is  "White as Snow". Foreman pretty much lifts the whole song from Psalm 51. This is a Psalm of repentance from David after he committed adultery with Bathsheba and the murder of her husband. "Create in me a clean heart, O, God" "The sacrifices of our God are a broken and contrite heart."

One other thing that helped me realize the weight of sin was a movie that I saw at a film festival a while ago at Drury University. Jess and I went to see it because she is best friends with the sister of the wife of the couple that made the film (there was probably a easier way to say that). While I don't remember what the actual plot of the film was, there is one part that has been burned into my memory. At one point in the film, the main character must sacrifice a lamb on an alter (and yes, it was a real lamb). Yes, this was a religious film if I remember correctly. The film did not shy away from the gruesome scene. The whole sacrifice was made on the alter and the camera captured every drop of blood that came from the lamb. I am not sure about Jess but I forced myself to watch. It was one of the most difficult things to see, but not for the obvious reason. Yes, I am a HUGE animal lover and have played and worked with sheep before. Lambs are precious and cute animals, so innocent and gentle, so it was painful to see this beautiful animal cut. What was difficult was the thought that crushed my mind. That was me...

My sin did that. My horrible, ugly, selfish, boastful, egotistical, prideful, lustful sin is the reason that for thousands of years animals like that lamb were bled to death. It was that sin that caused Jesus to go to the cross. But that's the thing! It didn't make Him go to the cross or cause Him to, He chose to. As heavy of a burden that my sin was, His love for such a wretch as me was heavier. When I came to this realization, I wept. I wept for the rest of the film quietly to myself. That was me, that was my hand with the blade and blood. The crying girl in the film was me.

Praise be to Christ for His undeserving love! Praise be to God for letting go of Christ for us! Praise be to Christ for accepting us as we are. Empty handed, blood stained hands, blackened hearts, and ankles weighted down by the chains of our sins. Praise be to God for redemption!

"Alas, Did my Savior bleed and did my Savior?
 Would He devote that sacred head for such a worm as I"

-Isaac Watts